http://www.lazyreign.com/decay-shimmer/
Decay Shimmer
Angry Thoughts, a poem. Feedback, please?
Wrote this poem… would like honest feedback thank you!
I believe my soul is dying
decaying and bitter
inside a helpless shell
Nothing seems to fully heal
this battered heart
bruised and bandaged
from years of misuse
I believe I’m giving up hope
for the future once so
clearly set before me
Paths have forked
to reveal unseen roads
I never planned to explore
I believe I don’t believe
in anything anymore
My faith; once so strongly grasped
has faded to the shimmer
of a weak and distant star
In giving birth to a new life
I feel that I have lost
a vital piece of my own
~whether or not I’ll find it again is unknown.
As bridges never meant to be burned
smolder into ashes
I stand upon the cliffs alone
Longing to jump
This poem is less about anger than it is about sorrow. There are small angerlets – to make up a word. There is a rage against death and disappointments. Rage is true anger but disappointments are the diet of rage. Battering feeds anger as does losing hope. When goals are lost then directions become confused and that feeds anger too. The second to last stanza is all about loss and grief. Anger is a recognised phase that follows grief. Longing to jump I classed as a single line and not a stanza.
This is a very subjective poem talking from inside yourself and your feelings. The imagery is good in places like- “has faded to the shimmer of a weak and distant star”
“In giving birth to new life, I feel that I have lost” sounds a lot like post natal depression. Sometimes a person needs help to recover from that and some times they grow out and through it.
Keep this poem for reference and work on it again after a few months.
